When 2 Becomes 1...Well, Sort of: Divorce Chronicles

Let's start this off with Alexa, play Three Little Birds by Bob Marley. Because damn it, everything's going to be all right!

When two people have children together and are in a relationship the parenting decisions are typically mutual. But what is this crap that happens when the relationship ends? Suddenly you have to hope that the person you were so in love with (to the point that said children were made) is not going to become a completely different person and renig on all of the mutual choices. How does ending a relationship give either parent the authority to completely rock their child's world? Things are different, yes, and they should be, but does that mean that the foundation of parenting choices made gets to be demolished because two people are no longer in love with each other?

Legally I would say there are a lot of factors that go into who has the primary custody, but how do you not mess up the kids too much? It would be very confusing to a child to have polar opposites in each household they're in, I would think. Helping them find a new normal that is not too dramatic of a change should be the upmost priority for the parents you are separating. These amazing little humans need all of the routine and reassurance they can get while things are transitioning because causing childhood trauma is no joke.

Co-parenting is not an easy task, and I am only a small sliver into what it can be for the next 18 years. (Pray for me). You essentially lose your say in who the kids meet, where the kids go and what the kids do while they are with the other parent. How gut wrenching can it be to have no control over the situation (especially if you're a control freak like I can be)? The ideal situation would be that neither parent oversteps, but that will likely not be the case, at least every time they go with the other parent.

My biggest fear (and I'm sure this rings true with any other "crunchy" mamas out there) is that my ex will go against all of the big decisions we made and make my kids "normal". I know that can sound ridiculous, but it is very much a concern of mine. We (I) homeschool, because we both thought that would be the best thing for the kids; but now what? If I am still willing to spend my time homeschooling, then shouldn't that be the first option over public school? I am plant-based at my house, the ex is a "flexitarian" (yes, apparently that's a thing) so I have to have faith that he will respect my choices when the kids go with him.

DING DING DING, RESPECT!

Now we're moving to Aretha! R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Alexa, play Respect).

The lightbulb that just went on is this: it is all about respect. How much respect do you have for yourself, for your children, and for the co-parent? We all want what we think is best for our children, but because we are all human we can also learn and evolve if there is another way to look at things. So along with respect in co-parenting comes humility.

(Alexa, play HUMBLE by Our Last Night (Sorry Kendrick but they did it better))

The most important people in a co-parenting situation are the children. Taking their feelings, wishes and best interests into account is key. Having respect for the co-parent and taking their opinions into consideration is huge. Let's do our best to be adults and make each decision out of love for our children and not simply to spite and hurt the other parent. In situations like that, the kids will always suffer.

Side note: What if you're not in a co-parenting situation at all and the other parent is absent for some reason? Kudos to all the single mothers out there that do not have another responsible (hopefully) adult to leave the kiddo(s) with while you take some time to yourself! Sometimes relationships end and it's messy and the other person bails, then I would think that a certain level of second guessing every decision may come into play. Not having the other parent to at least bounce ideas off of may be a little stressful in the beginning I'm sure, but MAMA, YOU GOT THIS!

To all those out there dealing with divorce and separation and co-parenting, I feel you. You are not alone. We will get through this, let us manifest the best possible outcome for our children.

Hey Alexa play "We Got This Together from My Little Pony the Movie" (Don't judge!)

Thank you for coming along my journey and you're welcome for the soundtrack!