To my Ex-Husband's Mistress: Divorce Chronicles

Alexa play The Bones by Maren Morris

I want to do this as cordially as possible because not only do I believe in Karma, but I appreciate that you fill in the role I once had and have allowed for my freedom and now my immense happiness.

Although I know that I do not have to defend myself, I wanted to offer this not only as a white flag to you, but also to let others know that they're not alone in situations similar to the ones I found myself in.

Here's what I'm not doing:

I'm not holding grudges with my ex after all of the things he's put me through over the years because those events have shaped me (unfortunately, slightly traumatizing), they are the things that made me realize that I deserve so much more!

In relationships you get into a groove, things become monotonous, there is a constant influx of new events and situations to handle and as parents in a relationship you just add in more and more and suddenly the spark and love and support that was once in your relationship is gone. I can definitely see where there was no longer effort in our personal, intimate relationship because I homeschooled, and we were parents to five kids and we just stopped trying where there needs to be effort because life happens. It's hard to make the other person feel better or supported emotionally because they can start to feel like a burden or a nuisance, they're just someone you have to pick up slack for and honestly, without the emotional aspect of a relationship being met it can hit rock bottom very quickly. That right there, that realization is enough to say I am so rooted in the decision I made to get a divorce, even though that's not the person I ever thought I would be.

I am grateful for you coming in and shaking things up for me because I have realized my potential and what I can do in this world to help others. I am untamed and full of wild energy and you know what, I'm not meant to be the 50's housewife! I am so blessed to have found someone who actually feeds my soul and understands what it means to be masculine in a relationship without the toxicity. Hopefully you have found peace and happiness with him and you guys are able to untangle the toxicity that just naturally comes into play when you get married at 17/18 and have been through parent death, children with disabilities, infidelity, car wrecks and more!

I have never spoke ill of my ex to my children, they know I will always have love for the person I had once fully trusted. However, they hear a lot of shit talking about me while they are at their fathers' house, and I can't blame him because he is always at work so you can say whatever you like. What I do know is that there is absolutely no reason as a 43-year-old woman to confide in my children the reasons for divorce, you have chosen your path as I have chosen mine and if you're truly happy or searching for happiness I hope you realize your negativity will only breed more.

We both know you have had your fair share of mental health issues and I don't place judgement on you because I myself go to therapy, I have dealt with postpartum depression and with your help I was alone in that.

I send you so much love and light and healing because I know healed people don't belittle and shame others.

So, here's my truce: I did what I did, and you have gotten what you wanted. I am their mother and I will always have their best interest in mind. No longer will I allow you to feed them a narrative that will only cause them mental turmoil just so you can feel better about the poor choices you have also made. I hope your children don't have someone whispering awful things in their ears, either from your 2 ex-husbands or their new step-parents because nothing hurts more than watching your children suffer with information that is not at all appropriate for them and them struggling to know what to believe.

Also, Congratulations on getting married!! You deserve love, happiness and joy!

With love, Jessica